Danger Eyes

new blog site

2010-02-03T03:42:00.000-06:00

I've moved my blog over to Wordpress. Blogger is just, well, Blogger. See me here:

http://eyecandyindustries.wordpress.com/

the pink elephant of divine inspiration

2010-02-02T23:19:00.000-06:00

Not having internet for a few days makes me feel out of touch-- and I don't know how I feel about that. It does, however, give me more time to do the stuff I should be working on. And that, I have.

(I could always walk down to Sweetbay Coffee shop, but it has been colder than a witch's tit out there!)

I got a new canvas and have the initial figure mostly blocked out to my general liking... tonight I get to start rendering it:

I also finally got around to having some photography printed, and tomorrow I will be taking it to the copy shop to have transparencies made of the prints. Then the fun of altering and layering begins!

The other thing I have been working on is taking the Art Goddess Workshop that I taught last year and turning it into a workshop-in-a-box sort of thing. Right now I am writing the workbook that will accompany the kit. I'm really getting excited about this project because without the time constraint of a two hour workshop I can really expand it. Ideally the kit is going to be sold through Etsy, galleries and any place I can teach some classes. I am going to need people to "test" my product, so stay tuned.

I'll post those recipes I promised in the last post soon.

R.I.P. Salinger, you old man

2010-01-29T00:10:00.000-06:00

I was just rifling through Mr. Martini's bookshelf and stumbled upon a few things of special interest to me.

First is a slightly yellowed copy of Franny and Zooey by Salinger. I adored that family when I was 15. Today, being the day of his death, finding it on the shelf was a bit touching. I flipped through it and found a passage I thought I would share:

"In Zooey, be assured early, we are dealing with the complex, the overlapping, the cloven, and at least two dossier-like paragraphs ought to be got in right here. To start with, he was a small young man, and extremely slight of body. From the rear--particularly where his vertebrae were visible--he might almost have passed for one of those needy metropolitan children who are sent out every summer to endowed camps to be fattened and sunned. Close up, either full-face or in profile, he was surpassingly handsome, even spectacularly so. His eldest sister (who modestly prefers to be identified here as a Tuckahoe homemaker) has asked me to describe him as looking like "the blue-eyed Jewish-Irish Mohican scout who died in your arms at the roulette table at Monte Carlo." A more general and surely less parochial view was that his face had been just barely saved from too-handsomeness, not to say gorgeousness, by virtue of one ear's protruding slightly more than the other. I myself hold a very different opinion from either of these. I submit that Zooey's face was close to being a wholly beautiful face. As such, it was of course vulnerable to the same variety of glibly undaunted and usually specious evaluations that any legitimate art object is. I think it just remains to be said that any one of a hundred everyday menaces--a car accident, a head cold, a lie before breakfast--could have disfigured or coarsened his bounteous good looks in a day or a second. But what was undiminishable, and, as already so flatly suggested, a joy of a kind forever, was an authentic esprit superimposed over his entire face--especially at the eyes, where it was often as arresting as a Harlequin mask, and, on occasion, much more confounding."

The other book that caught my eye is One Hundred Year's of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. This is actually MY copy of the book, despite what Mr. Martini may claim. Anyway...Ooh, ooh, this book makes me swoon. You know, I never found President Clinton the slightest bit sexy until I found out that he lists One Hundred Years of Solitude as his favorite book. A man that can appreciate a story that is such a lusty romp through life, well, maybe he's just might have it going on. This book has one of my all time favorite opening lines: “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

So life is nice. I've been painting a lot. Mostly feeling like I am wasting paint, but I am trying to be forgiving to myself. I've been using paper instead of canvas because then I don't mind playing around and throwing it away, if needed for my ego. I've been staying in Van Buren at Mr. Martini's quite a bit, so I've been dragging around my large sketch pad, wooden table-top easel and my picnic basket, which I use as a paint box. I feel like I am packing for an expedition every time I come over here.

Tonight I am working in my art journal and waiting to see if we're looking at an ice storm. I think a pot of coffee is in order.

Next post: Cookin With Caleb

passion//slave

2010-01-23T12:36:00.000-06:00

Still doing the little spontaneous collages:

Great advice for the art chicks I know!

2010-01-22T08:15:00.001-06:00

Living an Artful Life

Blogger ate the looong post I was working on. I've been edited!

2010-01-22T07:48:00.002-06:00

Found some free e-courses at Expressive Art Workshops. I decided to try the 'Deepening Creativity' course.
From the description:
"This mini course involves meditating on a small, torn paper spontaneous collage each day for ten days. All you need is two or three torn or cut out images and a word."
Every other day, Shelley, the creator, sends you an e-mail with encouragement and ideas. So far it doesn't seem like a bad way to spend five minutes while drinking my morning coffee. I would recommend this to anyone that is in a slump and needs to start small to get back in the groove.
I am using index cards to glue my collages to, and then I think I will punch holes in them and keep them together with a binder ring. I used the blank backs to do some free association about the images and word.

regular ole Tuesday

2010-01-19T20:56:00.000-06:00

Today was so warm I was walking around town in a tank top and flip flops. I'd say this is weird weather--but it really isn't for Arkansas. And I'm not complaining one bit.

Tonight I am making some art journals. One for Mr. Martini's future sister-in-law (above) and one for my old high school chum, Heather. While I worked on journals, I made a big pot of delicious chicken and dumplings, which always makes me think of my grandma. If she knew I was coming over she usually made a pot.

I'm working up some ideas for new classes and playing around with the idea of doing some sort of mail order classes, too. Well, the mail order thing wouldn't so much be a class, but a package that contains journaling materials and prompts revolving around a particular theme. This would probably be something that I sell on Etsy.

It is just hard to focus on creative work when taking care of the day to day stuff is such a struggle. Surely I will find employment soon! I keep telling myself something has to give soon. It does, right??

heartless

2010-01-17T11:46:00.000-06:00

Picture I painted a few weeks ago.

It is hard not to get a lot of glare after varnishing.

a poem, i suppose

2010-01-15T13:10:00.002-06:00

these are thing that hurt:

when you call the other girls
pet names
i thought were reserved for me.

it shocks my ears,
and tears at my heart.

but that is not all.

when you look bored and impatient
with my chatter
that i can't stop
because i am manic
when i am with you.

also:

when you call me names.

when i call you names.

when you show up late.

or worse, not at all.

when you forget
that i'm a girl
and girls
like to go out on dates.

when you hold my past against me.

when we fight all night.

when you tilt your phone away
so that i can't see the screen.

but nothing hurts worse

than never knowing any of these.

christmas eve

2009-12-24T16:13:00.001-06:00

X-mas Eve....

I guess I am the grinch that stole Christmas this year.

Due to inclement weather and the winding road to my parent's house, I made the call to not go down to the folk's house this evening. Needless to say, mom is not happy about this. However, I feel confident that she will not only live through this, she will even get over it. Eventually.

Last night was the seven year anniversary of the death of my son's biological father. He was 28 when he died. It was a single car, drunk driving accident. About a month ago I had a very vivid dream about him. I was visiting him at his home, which was a lovely house overlooking a beautiful river. His skin was glowing, he was smiling. I said, "So this is where you live now?" It was one of those dreams that really sticks with you.

So he has been on my mind.

Seven years ago.

Maybe I can write about something nice when this damn holiday is over.

Have a good one.

mixed media mind mapping

2009-12-21T22:02:00.000-06:00

I'm doing a really good job of not getting strung out about X-mas. Instead of stressing I am trying to enjoy the good things about the season. Like having my son and his friends over a lot while they are on vacation... plus comfort foods and hanging out in a leopard print Snuggie.

Instead of thinking about X-mas, I've been really focused on the coming of the new year. I am in dire need of a fresh start. I need a clean slate to work from.

I've been thinking hard about the things I want to achieve this year... not to mention all the little steps I could take to better care for myself and improve my life. One of the things I have been doing is using some mind mapping software to organize my goald and ideas.

Today I decided to map out a few of my goals in mixed media form. This is what I have so far:

The whole thing measure 18 x 24 inches and folds up like a map. I'll post another pic when I am done.

Guy Friendly DIY Christmas Gifts

2009-12-17T14:46:00.000-06:00

Now that I have vented about the holidays, I feel like I can face what is before me. Fact is, I don't want to be a total scrooge to those around me that manage to find some joy in the season. So I do participate to a degree.

I am spending X-mas Eve with the fam, and I want to do something nice for some friends. I do love gifting. I like to mix it up with a combination of mostly diy gifts and a few thoughtful store-bought things. This year it is going to have to be VERY thoughtful because I barely have two pennies to rub together right now. (BTW, I am looking for a job! Hire me!)

Christmas is a week away and I have decided to participate. Heh. This is gonna be crazy.

This morning I scoured the net for cheap and easy diy gifts. I usually find crafting for men a challenge, so my search was focused on guy friendly gifts. Here are some of my faves:

Dali inspired Melted Clock Even tough guys like the art of Salvadore Dali. True fact.

Recycled Cradit Card Guitar Picks Good stocking stuff for that guitar god in your life.

Masking Tape and Bleach T-Shirts Guys feel special when they are wearing a one-of-kind t-shirt.

Recycled Magazine Coasters These would be nice to present with a six pack of a good imported beer.

More Recycled Coasters As would these.

Decorated Flask I found a plain, stainless steel flask at the grocery store for 4 bucks recently.

Candy explains why she has been in such a bad mood lately

2009-12-16T13:59:00.000-06:00

I hate the pressure the holidays (suppodedly a particularly spiritual time of year) puts on all of us during a time when our bodies are under a lot of stress; trying to adjust to the lack of light and the increase in potential infections. It makes for the worst kind of stress on the whole being.

Besides the pressure to consume goods for a god I don't abide by, Christmas touches on too many nerves for me:

- As a child, the only family I had was my mom, dad and sister. Dad ALWAYS got drunk. Mom and Dad ALWAYS fought. Brutally.

- As a teen, my sister was out of touch with the family, and her abscence always cast a HUGE shadow for me.
I spent as many holidays as I could with my friends and their families, but that always left me feeling like an outsider, no matter how welcomed I was.

- I had some of the best holidays of my life with Dave, James, and Kyle (throughout my 20's). That was my family. I feel so lucky to have some great memories of the holidays with those guys.

Now I don't have that family. And it really sucks to not have what feels like a good family around the holidays. A family of your own.

Last Christmas morning was spent with my son, Mr. Martini and his children. We had such a nice X-mas morning, with happy kiddos and lots of love between us even if things weren't perfect .

This Christmas the only plans I have are to be with my parents, sister (and her beau), and my son Christmas Eve night. I think that is about all the Christmas I can handle, though, so that is fine.

I'm still coming out of depression. Things are really stressful for a lot of reasons right now. I've been telling myself to just maintain a healthy mindset and take care of myself through the holidays and worry about everything else after.

I've been sick the last couple of days, which makes it more of a challenge to be positive thinking and pro-active. But I'm trying.

The positive:

I will be spending time with my son and my sister, which does make me very happy.

Next post: Candy does not hate everything, not even Christmas.

our song

2009-12-13T10:38:00.000-06:00

I miss Mr. Martini so much sometimes that I can hardly stand it.

Progress

2009-12-12T16:18:00.000-06:00

With a trash bag and a cardboard box, I was able to eliminate most of the clutter from my work table. I was hoping to have more done around the apartment by this weekend, but that was not be. I figure something is better than nothing.

the dirty south

2009-12-08T21:26:00.000-06:00

I'd like to say that I haven't been posting here because I've been so super busy doing something rad and productive with my life, but that just isn't the case.

I've been depressed.

Reeaally depressed. Like, if I wasn't eating peanut butter straight out of the jar just to survive while I alternately slept and chain smoked in bed, than I was drinking at 10a.m. at a local dive bar.

It started with the autumnal time change, like it does every year.

It just f*cks me up in every way.

And the holidays! I HATE THE HOLIDAYS!!

Let's see, I kicked it off with Halloween. I got so smackered I was asked to leave the bar my boyfriend's band was playing because I couldn't keep my head off the bar.

Then there was Thanksgiving. I spent half the day drunk on whiskey and the other half of the day apologizing for being 2 1/2 hours late for dinner.

I lost my job.

I went to jail for a couple of days.

My boyfriend and I have split.

Okay, so surely everybody gets the idea. I've been messing up my life pretty good. But it is not beyond repair by any means. And sitting in jail for 48 hours had a very sobering effect. VERY.

I'm totally determined to pull it together and move forward. The depression is lifting. I'm seeing things more clearly now.

Sooo.... while I am coming clean, I thought I would use my confessional nature as strategy: Public Humiliation as a motivational tool.

My living space is a disaster. Totally embarrassing. And here's what I am going to do about it:

A different view of the same area in my apartment:

Oh, the shame. I can't believe I am living with this caliber of clutter!

What you are looking at is my table where I do most of my writing and art journaling. Somehow the dining room chairs and the coffee table got pushed over in front of the table, making it pretty inaccessible.

Actually, this is all Tim's idea. He said maybe if I posted pictures of my place, I would feel the fire under my ass to clean up my apartment so I can get back to work (and be able to invite people in again.)

For now, I am going to bed. Maybe there will be an 'after' picture tomorrow? We'll see.

Love, Candy

2009-10-15T17:25:00.000-05:00

So let's just pretend that I haven't neglected this blog. How about I just tell you about today instead of trying to fill the gap? Trust me, you'd get bored and my fingers would be raw by the end of it.

Today. Today was a perfect fall day. The air was heavenly, the leaves are starting to turn and fall, all of the recent rains have made the plethora of roses in my new neighborhood bloom for what is probably one last time this year. The white one pictured is a beautiful monster that came into full bloom just today right outside my door.

Fall makes me want to cook. Right now I am waiting on brownies to cool so that they can be topped with chocolate icing and fresh rasberries. While the brownies baked I put together a big taboli salad to munch on throughout the week. But my proudest cooking accomplishment of the day was jerk chicken on a bed of roasted sweet potatoes and green onions. Mr. Martini gobbled it up and asked to take the leftovers, too.

I spent the afternoon making this paper dolly as a gift for a friend. Well, it is not exactly a paper dolly. The face is molded clay and the head is a metal container I picked up somewhere. Her name is Rose, of course. I can't figure out a good way to photograph these dolls, but I'll work on it.

Took a walk down to Sweetbay to check my e-mail and chat and then strolled through Creekmore park on my way back. If today was perfect, this evening was magic. October is by far my favorite month of the year.

Love, love, love! -Candy

2009-09-06T12:12:00.000-05:00

Monthly Art Journal Workshop
@ the Gallery at Brunwick

Bring your journal or sketchbook and a kit of your favorite supplies as you join others in the making and sharing of meaningful art journal pages. Follow prompts and learn new techniques to add interest and impact to your work\. Basic materials provided (glue sticks, paper, scissors).

Workshop will be the second Saturday of every month from 2-4pm. NEXT CLASS: Saturday, September 12.

This month's theme is TIME. We will be doing a lot of fill-in-the-blank writing prompts, clock collage sheets will be provided, and a technique for creating a distressed paint look on paper will be demonstrated. (If you have any craft supplies or ephemera related to clocks and calendars, bring them!)

Class fee is $10. For questions, call Candy at 479-561-2224 or Collin at 479-651-5866 or e-mail eyecandystudio@rocketmail.com

The Gallery at Brunwick 120 N. 9th (Below Brunwick Wedding Chapel) Fort Smith, AR

2009-09-01T01:39:00.000-05:00

Just ordered new business cards with 2010 calendars. This year is flying by.

I've been busy, but not much is going on. Work and men keep taking up my time. (Equal parts Mr. Martini and the Englishman.)

The Englishman has a birthday this weekend, so I am going to cook him an American, meat-and-potatoes meal--at his request. Kind of fun.

Mr. Martini is staying at my place while he works on his vehicle. It has been alternately comfortable and crazy making. It is really hard to share space with someone when you have so little of it.

I am excited about September. I've been gearing up for the workshops I will be teaching. Of them, I am most excited about the teen class. I think it is going to be a blast working with young people for the first time in quite awhile.

I'm also looking forward to a poetry writing and performing class I signed up for. I'd like to have enough good stuff to start reading more regularly. Maybe this will help.

The weather is so amazing for August in Arkansas. Never have I experienced such a mild summer in all the years I've lived here. Yesterday I went walking downtown just to enjoy it and I think I might do the same today.

2009-08-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

This is the progress I've made on that little piece I started. "Le Madre" It looks much better in person... there is a lot of glazing in the background and it catches the light very nicely. Still need to shade and glaze the lower half, add a banner, paint the edges gold, and drill holes for hanging. This picture looks all blue-grey. Yech. Trust me about it looking much better in person.

I'm under the weather. Maybe a summer cold, maybe a result of my self imposed experiment with sleep deprivation. Either way, I feel like shite.

Stayed in last night, sleeping off and on and taking telephone calls. Have to work later today. Friday night I ended up going out with a very tall and witty Englishman. He is great at people-watching. Very snarky. Looking forward to hanging out again. I like when he tells me I am "filthy".

I've been reading a littl bit of mythology, concentrating on Medusa. I didn't know Athena gave her the ugly head as punishment for Medusa being raped by Poseidon in Athena's temple. Jan, Athena is a classic bitch, don't you think?!?! Maybe the original bitch, even.

I'm going to get back to feeling sick now.

waiting

2009-08-21T00:58:00.000-05:00

Today has been wonderful. Productive and creative. Now I'm drinking coffee and painting. (And waiting on Mr. Martini to come see me.)

I loathe waiting for paint to dry!

Here is what I started tonight. It is on a found piece of wood that measures about 18" by 9". I'm using acrylic paint, spray paint, acrylic glazing medium, varnish... I think I am going to throw in some charcoal and oil pastels, as well.

Found this pic on my camera. I think my son took it. This is where I "work" on a lot of my stuff. I am apparently only working my jaw in this photo, though.

I know people have been reading this blog. See, I have that little thing on the lower right side that tells me where people are visiting from. I appreciate people taking the time to read about my silly little life. Maybe say hi or something?

2009-08-20T12:02:00.000-05:00

What happens to men at the 35-40 point? Do they just decide, "Hey, I'm gonna grow a mustache and be a douche?"

Just wondering....

______________________________________________________________________

I feel like I am entering a period of my life that is familiar. Strange, but familiar.

I like to think of most things that happen in my life as research. "Sorry, I can't tonight. I'm studying."

This somehow removes my responsibility for things that happen, and I realize that is a problem.

However, I don't foresee that I will stop my survey of the human experience anytime soon, barring that I get hit by a truck or some other dubious happening.

_______________________________________________________________________

The last few days have been nearly surreal. Yes, yes, I am taking my medication. It just seems that time is being punctuated by intense bursts of extreme perfection and total chaos. I guess this is what Mr. Martini has been trying to tell me when he talks about matter and anti-matter.

All my projects are at a comfortable lull right now, so I am really just trying to enjoy the problem of having too much time on my hands...without abusing it.

____________________________________________________________________

Secret Agent Man suggested that I learn to bide my time, and he is absolutely right that I should. I'm terribly impatient. If I am not working on creating something, I feel like I am wasting my time. Which leads to guilt and self loathing and general anxiety.

I guess the rainy morning has me feeling exra introspective.

I am making it official right now: Summer is over.

The kids have gone back to school, Wit-Knee and I both got jobs, Mr. Martini and I seemed to have come to some conclusions and are seeing each other again, it is raining like it hasn't in months and I have that wonderful rush that comes at the end of a book. I feel like a new cycle is starting up.

I'm not the only one. Kevin and I have been giddy as school girls in his studio all morning.

I'm excited about this fall. I have a slew of classes lined up at the gallery, I'll be getting my own place, the new job will ease my aching pockets, we'll be working on the 12 x 12 x 20 show, I've got one of my best friends back, and I'm sure there will be more.

Be sure to check out the Horse/Horse blog.

2009-08-18T13:32:00.000-05:00

Some of the junk on my dresser:

I'm 34. When are boys going to stop being confusing?

Orientation at the new job today. I've already been to the fall product meeting and I actually had fun. Hanging out with a bunch of chicks, trying on perfume and lotions? This is work? Okay.

It is amazing what a regular night of sleep can do. I think I should do it more often, for sure.

I'm totally not motivated in the art department this week, and I think it is in direct correlation to the messiness of my room. I suck at occupying small spaces.

My life is pretty uneventful at the moment, and I'm grateful for that.

this is better than drunk dialing, right?

2009-08-16T01:38:00.000-05:00

Fears I have:

- I will never be able to sustain a stable and committed relationship.

Bigger fear:

That I only feel like I should have that kind of relationship because of my age and the sad fact that I am only getting older.

But also... that is what people want. Or need.

Okay, so I am afraid that I'm never going to figure this out and that it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm never going to be what anyone worth having will want.

I'm Candy and I don't know how to be anything else.

2009-08-15T15:51:00.000-05:00

I've been in a bad mood since I got up at 6:30 a.m. I mean, HELLA bad mood. Fuckallthisshitihateeverythingiamgoingtoburnthismotherfuckerdown!!!

In an attempt to be positive, I am smoking some weed and will try to compile a list of things that don't suck.

- Big tubs of fresh blueberries for a $1. Especially a handful of them tossed over a bowl of vanilla yogurt.

- Psychotic Girl by the Black keys.

- Yard Sales! (Now I have a bunch more shit that I don't need.)

Dismal, indeed.

Is there a particular scent you are interested in today?

2009-08-13T14:46:00.000-05:00

<---- Journal page. Click for larger image. I've been playing around with packing tape transfers the last few days.

The art collective that we've been talking about forming for a year now has finally taken shape. We are called Horse/Horse and we've taken on our first project: 12 x 12 x 20. This will be a group show in December to take place at the Gallery at Brunwick. The show will consist of pieces no larger than 12" x 12" and priced at no more than $20. Anything else goes. I will be posting an official Call for Artists in the next few days with all the details. We started a blog last night: Horse/Horse Collective Blog. We have a whole list of projects to work on and we'll be keeping the blog updated at least once a week.

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I got the job I interviewed for yesterday. Let's just say I will be peddling lotion at the mall. You know the store.

It is a job, dammit.

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Anyway, I've been feeling super anxious the last few days about needing a job and looking forward to getting my own place. It has been such a long time since I've had this kind of craving for stability. All I want is to be able to pay the rent and have some peace and quiet so I can work on art and writing.

I feel like I have lost a year of my life to turmoil and if I can't get it back, well then I will try to make up for it by living very intentionally and for myself. I'm trying to figure out how to be practical and still preserve the romance of life. Is this what 35 is about?

(And then) Mr. Martini showed up the other night with a few bottles of wine, some pasta and a blanket for a late night picnic, catching me off guard. He always has a way of doing that. Yes, yes, he is back in my life just three weeks after I swore to his mother and my own that I was not going to let him just waltz back into my life as he has so many times in the past after making yet another exit. Am I crazy?

Yes. It is documented. But this is the real proof.

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Also, having a 16 year old doesn't help. It has been a rough week. Thankfully they go back to school next week.

Feels like the pieces are falling into place today.

"tattoos aren't just for sailors and whores anymore"

2009-08-04T07:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, the other thing I am obsessed with lately are the tattooed sideshow-ladies. "A Life of Her Own Choosing" is a neat article on one such woman.

Somebody special sent me to a good site full of vintage photos of mostly heavily tattooed people. The women intrigue me the most:

Nay Nay was telling me the other day about a paper she was writing for her philosophy class. For the paper, she was to define what is beautiful and what is ugly within her culture. We were in the middle of the shampoo aisle at the time that we were having this conversation, and I wonder if the other shoppers even knew or cared that we were having a life crisis situation when my sister looked at me wide eyed and asked in true horror, "Shit, what is my culture?" I didn't know what to say. This was a heavy moment. What is our culture, really?

This feeling of displacement reminds me again and again of the tattooed ladies. They defied cultural beauty standards, setting themselves apart, permanently. They traveled. They lived on the fringes. They weren't afraid of pain. They wrote their own stories through body art and a way of life.

Now everybody and their mother has a tattoo--including mine!

gypsies, telemarketers and phone sluts, oh my!

2009-08-03T19:29:00.000-05:00

I am obsessed with all things Gypsy.

This morning I decided that I am going to do my first ever themed, narrative journal. The title is 'The Gypsy and the Mystic' and it is the story of a love affair that I don't know the end of yet. The story will be told through images and very, very few words. I am excited about this.

I have a dream that when I finally settle down and decide to become a homeowner again, I will have a gypsy wagon, or vardo, in the backyard to use as my art/writing studio.

Of course mine would be adorned with lots of eyes!
.

The amazing thing about these modern vardos is that you can buy a kit to build one that you can fold up and haul behind your vehicle. See the trailer hitch?

If you are interested in the history of Gypsies, this is the best site I have found so far. Now I want to go to Poland and see the Gypsy museum (it has an outdoor exhibit of a Gypsy camp!)

My sister and I have discussed, more than a few times, how we relate to many aspects of Gypsy culture in the way that are parents raised us and the traveling that we did. We literally did pull a little trailer behind us and lived out of it often enough.

I like this quote:

"Gypsies are known to steal chickens and to cheat when selling cars, but they have never organized a war, never persecuted others, never manufactured bombs, never perpetuated industrial pollution."

Of course, we didn't steal chickens. My parents were of the 60's: tax evasion and welfare fraud was their thing.

Today has been great. I slept in for a change, got some belongings sorted, went to the library, knocked out some laundry, started the course proposals for September and took lots and lots of notes on various projects, current and future. I love living in such a cool, stable environment. I'm already falling back into the work pattern that I like: The days I spend brainstorming, planning and researching, and the days that I actually get down and dirty and make it happen, in a perfect ebb and flow.

Speaking of planning, I stayed up late planning my immediate future regarding the housing crisis in my life. I have a plan. I am still flushing it out, but I'm feeling really good about it. Whenever I am in my planning mode, I think of something my high school Geography teacher had taped to the front of his desk, which seemed to be the place I like to zone out the most. I am totally kicking myself for not paying attention in that class now that I am older and want to go to places like Poland, or at least be able to find it on a map and daydream about it. Anyway, the sign read: If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Wait, let me put it to you how the sign really read:

IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN,

YOU PLAN TO FAIL!

God, it still gives me chills!

Oh, Mr. Wilsey, with your big scary grin and coordinating track suits, if you gave me nothing else(certainly not the ability to find Poland on a map), you gave me that. What a gem. *sigh*

Anyway. My plan is largely dependent on me getting a job that I am going to apply for tomorrow. A job for which, on the resume Wit-Knee and I worked on today, included my 2 1/2 years as a "Phone Entertainer" as part of my job history. It actually made sense to reveal my dirty little job secret in this case. I never thought the day would come! All that experience and nothing to show for it until now, when I am hoping on job at a call center. A call center. Ugh. But hey, I have a couple of years of "phone experience", so that should get my foot in the door, right? I wasn't kidding around when I said this artist is tired of starving.

Journal entry from last night.

send me dead flowers and i won't forget to put roses on your grave

2009-08-02T20:53:00.000-05:00

Usually when I move into a new place, I buy something as a housewarming gift to myself... something pretty and unpractical. For Grandma's house in Alma I bought a monkey figure holding a mirror. For my apartment, it was a carved mermaid surrounding a mirror. For Matt's house, it was an incense burner. For Kevin and Wit-Knee's apartment. I decided that because my stay here is temporary, these Pink Ladies I picked would be appropriate. Something that won't last long.

And now it appears that my stay here will be more temporary than I thought. Due to financial constraints, they are moving at the end of the month. I feel very bad for the troubles that are having. And I don't yet know where I am going, but I have the month to figure it out.

We moved my stuff over here this weekend, and now it is pointless to unpack everything. So I am dividing everything up until what I need to live and be productive, and what I can put into storage. I'm pretty happy about this, actually, as paring down on my necessary objects is liberating already.

The art show was nice on Friday. Don't know why I didn't take pictures. Saw some friends and read some poetry. I only read three pieces because my book of writing was locked up in somebodies house. I read with Quin. He reads quite well. I would like to improve my performance and read some more in the future. I really miss the open mic nights at Eye Candy. It was a great place/way to work out new pieces.

Most of the weekend was spent with my Secret Agent Man. I agree with him on the thought that being able to move together so well is a good sign in regards to our potential together. Everything is feeling mellow, easy and right.

Don't know what this week holds other than this packing/unpacking business and drawing up some proposals for future classes at the gallery.

Even though my life is still in flux to a degree that I am not at all comfortable with, I still feel good. Really good.

2009-08-01T07:08:00.000-05:00

current art journal pics-click for larger pic

2009-07-31T23:50:00.000-05:00

current art journal pics-click for larger pic

2009-07-31T23:46:00.000-05:00

current art journal pics-click for larger pic

2009-07-31T23:42:00.001-05:00

current art journal-click for larger pics

2009-07-31T23:36:00.000-05:00

2009-07-31T23:31:00.000-05:00

brief update

2009-07-31T14:50:00.000-05:00

In my old neighborhood, men would slow down and pull alongside me as I was walking and ask if I knew where they could find a date.

Here, when walking to the store, I get honked at, whistled at, and approached by men that try to be suave with the same old line, "Nice ink. Need a ride?"

I'd rather be mistaken for a hooker any day; a working girl rather than a walking piece of meat that motherfuckers think they can get for free.

End rant.

So, my poor neglected blog.

I haven't written here since I called off the New Mexico move.

I'm living with Kevin and Wit-Knee (again) and happy as a clam about it. I love being under the same roof as two of my favorite people in the whole wide world. With that said, it is a temporary state for me--two months, max--until I can get my own place.

What else? Let's see...

The classes I taught at the gallery went well and I have been asked back to teach more. I'll be spending the month of August prepping for a few months worth of classes. I've also been asked to man the gallery's booth for an upcoming youth art fest, where I will be showing a simple, but fun, printmaking technique to the kiddos.

I've come to the awful realization that I am going to have to get a "real" job. That is really going to cut into my ME time, my art time, my FREE time. This starving artist is getting hungry for a bigger portion of the good stuff on my plate, though. I wish I could say it has been fun, but poverty is fucking exhausting.

Laundry calls. Current art journal pics will be posted in the nexy 24 hours.

con amore, candy

2009-07-17T22:33:00.000-05:00

Today was a hella good day. Tokyo ran away, but... he came back! The newspaper called and interviewed me. They are sending a photographer to tomorrow's art journal class and will be running the story on Tuesday. And I kinda feel like I am glowing after having a really nice first date with a very cool person. Kissy kissy. Oh my.

Okay, I have work to do.

venting....

2009-07-15T11:16:00.001-05:00

The worst part about trying to find closure to this relationship that seems to haunt me daily is that he won't talk to me. He broke up with me and cut me off, leaving me with a lot of things I feel like I need to know and understand. We used to be best friends. We shared everything; failures, successes, secrets. And now there is just nothing. No knowing. It is a form of torture, I think. I feel like I have been punished enough. Not just by him, but all of them.

2009-07-15T04:29:00.000-05:00

Change of plans.

I'm not going to Fayetteville. Instead, I am packing up and moving out to the Taos/Sante Fe area August 2 after a few quick days in Albequerque. 17 days, baby! You bet your ass that I am counting them down.

The only thing I am sad about is that my son doesn't want to make the move with me. He is being typically 16 and all wrapped up in his friends right now. But we discussed it tonight, and he is definitely going to come spend his X-mas vacation with me. We can play in the snow!!

I'm happy with the way the art journal class turned out. Well, I have some problems with it, actually, but the students were happy (it is a good measure if they sign up for the next two art classes after attending the first class, right?)so I consider it a success. The main issue I have with it is that the students didn't get to complete the final assignment, which the entire class was building up to. Something I need to work on--pacing, timing, what have you.

We concentrated on symbolism--using first group symbols and then personal symbols--to express our life, relationships, and so on. I think this is the right path to take with this class and I am going to stick to it. There are going to be lots of oppurtunities to teach workshops in the Santa Fe/Taos area, I do believe. So much art!! I have already applied for a job as a gallery manager in that area. As Whitney said when writing up my resume for me, DAmn, I look GOOD on paper!

Tonight Kyle and I walked around and watched the sun set and then the moon rise and all I could think about was what it might look like in New Mexico. I just know it is going to look a lot better.

2009-07-10T18:02:00.000-05:00

Art Journal Workshop tomorrow. Whitney and I have been busy little bees, getting it all together. I don't know what I would do without her sometimes.

Trying to unpack at the new place and figure out what I want to take to Fayetteville and New Mexico with me is frustrating. Yeah, if all goes according to plan I will be leaving Arkansas Sept. 1. Hopefully I will be settling around the Taos area, but somewhere else may appeal to me more when I get there. Anyway, I am trying to get all my art supplies in a portable state. At first it will just be my clothes, art supplies and my dog. Simple. I like it.

This is going to be a crazy busy month. I am ready for it to be over so I can get on with my life away from here.

The Ativan I took is making me not care about this blog post. Sorry.

2009-06-26T11:47:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a song really does say it all. This is "Goodbye California" by Jolie Holland. California sounds a lot more romantic than Fort Smith.

I’m pre-meditating crime of a personal kind
I’m about to go out of my mind
I’m just about sick to death of taking breath
And walking this line of mine
Now, folks that know what’s good for them
Are good at ignoring them
But I just can’t put these thoughts down
I’m harrowed and abused
And broken and pursued
By this notion that follows me around

My heart is hurting
My spirit’s burdened
I feel like a liar and a thief
For taking air
For being here
Unwanted
I look for my final release

Goodbye, goodbye, California
Goodbye and I’ll be moving on
I sang you my songs
I know i’m wrong
Fare thee well
And I’ll be moving on

When I’m dead and gone
My immortal home
Will hold me in its bosom
Safe and cold
No more desires
Will light their fires
Or disturb my immaculate calm
And the birds of the air
And the beasts of the soil
And the fishes of the desperate seas
Will know who I am
And our substance will expand
As part of everything

As part of everything, my God
As part of everything
And the clouds will roll
And the wind will blow
And the beautiful birds will sing

Goodbye, goodbye, California
Goodbye to your waving trees
To you succulent wind
And all my friends
Fare thee well
Goodbye
So be it
Amen
Amen

2009-06-12T18:56:00.001-05:00

What a crappy date.

What a crappy last couple of days.

2009-06-07T08:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't been home much at all lately. But when I have been, I've enjoyed the privacy. A LOT.

But...

I just received an offer from a very good friend to stay at his place for a mere $150 a month, utilities included. I would have two rooms for myself so I can have a bedroom and living area of my own, and a shared kitchen and bathroom. Free satellite, my pets are welcome.

Besides the fact that we lived together many years ago (try eleven) and he was the funnest roommate I've ever had, he demands a certain amount of alone time and privacy, like me.

I'm just trying not to rush into things because I haven't made the wisest decisions in the past few months.

The biggest factor, one that makes it seem like a no brainer, is that I would be getting out of my neighborhood. We had a few incidences of people (like Gene Hawkins) getting mugged and beaten outside my apartment. My stupid landlord was supposed to install a peek hole in the front door so I can avoid the weirdos, but he hasn't done anything at all, including not fixing the faucet that runs CONSTATLY and drives me batshit crazy.

A hundred and fifty bucks a month.

My mom is upset because I spent my grocery money on art supplies. I've been subsisting on bologne and onion sandwiches and some kind of sugar-free drink mix with lime wedges. I don't mind that I spent my grocery money on art stuff. I'd do it again. Moms don't want to hear that shit, though.

Wit-Knee and I have have been busier than a puppy with two peckers these last few days. We've been making stuff for our Pick Your Poison shop on Etsy. Next week will be all about trying to get our stuff into some local consignment boutiques. We are having a blast with this.

I'm going to go start this morning out right.

I would've been a wagon burner, back in the day

2009-06-04T12:42:00.000-05:00

J.T. and I have gone our seperate ways. There are reasons, the biggest being that I can't, in good conscious, be with one man while I am still in love with another. I need time to let those feelings fade.

On a brighter note, I got a brand new bike. It is a baby-blue cruiser. I am thrilled! I plan on riding it down to Kevin and Wit-Knee's this weekend to go swimming for the first time this season. I can't wait. I bought a really good lock and a basket for it. I wonder if Tokyo and Kitty Kitty Bang Bang would let me take them for a ride? They are both asleep next to me. Kitty is spooning Tokes. It is beyond sweet.

I have to say that I'm looking forward to living alone again. Today I am going to rearrange the apartment and turn the dining room into my studio space, oh yes.

I've sworn off alcohol for a good while. I've been reflecting on the Disorderly Conduct charge and the repurcussions of that as well as what alcohol has done/is doing to so many people that I care about. When I go out lately, I tell the bartenders to make me something virgin and ridiculously girly. I love how they have taken it as a challenge and concocted some truly beuatiful drinks for me. La-la-la. More cherries, please!

I feel like I should be writing/thinking/feeling more on the fact that my marriage is over after 2 months. There just isn't much to say. It is simply over. Like everybody keeps saying, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. (We've been talking 'bout Jackson ever since the fire went out.)

I am going down to Hartford to visit with my parents tomorrow. I haven't seen my dad in 4 months. He's been so sick, he couldn't even make it to my wedding or Uncle David's funeral. The human body holds 16 pints of blood. When my dad went to the emergency room, he was low 5 pints of blood. FIVE. They x-rayed his stomach, checked his prostrate and sent a camera up the ole shoot, checking for blood in those areas, to no avail. They drew some more blood yesterday and the results should be back soon. I hope my dad is okay. I can't wait to walk through mom's garden, see their new puppy and just sit with my dad the way that we do when we are together.

I was thumbing through an old journal and found notes on a couple of photo projects I want to do. The first is to take a photo of every single person I talk to in a day. In this neighborhood, that should be very interesting. The other is to put together a book of pictures of people wearing hats. I think I will call it: People Wearing Hats. Anyway, here is Mr. Talent's cousin Phil, the first photo for the project:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later:...

I'm writing my blogs at home and then posting them when I go to someplace with intrnet acess, which is pretty much EVERYWHERE but my apartment. Grr.

I've spent the morning sitting outside, getting stoned with Gene Hawkins. It is a gorgeous day. Gene is an old man (he won't tell me his age) that sits under the shade tree not too far from my front door, just about every day. He is a really sweet fellow that looks out for my apartment when I'm gone, offers me the morning paper when he is through reading it, and brings me treasure that he finds in the trash, like a really decent set of speakers for my computer. He likes to smoke and drink, and sometimes he sings along to country music on his little radio. When he gets drunk you can't make out a word he says. That is most of the time. But today he was just high and we sat and talked and I worked on fine tuning my bike, oiling the chain, installing the basket and all that.

I heard a racial slut the other night that I had never heard before, and oddly enough, it was directed at me and my son. Haha. We were talking to Cowboy Curt about how our aunt is doing a lot of geneology and the paperwork necessary to register our family's roll number so that we may join the Cherokke tribe. Cowboy Curt called us WAGON BURNERS! Hahaha. Oh god, it still has me laughing.

2009-06-02T00:05:00.000-05:00

Something I wrote this morning about having tattoos.

I have a postcard with a circa 1940 photograph of a tattooed lady. She probably worked the circus circuit, as there wasn't much else for a tattooed lady to do in that day when it comes to making a living.. The photograph has been tinted. Her dress is lavendar. She has red hair, hard eyes, a straight line for a mouth. She is quiet and powerful. Decorated and coy. Absolutely beautiful.
Fuck fashion magazines. I never wanted to look like a smiling stick. I hung the postcard by my mirror as I moved around over the years. My personal sex symbol, my muse, my ideal woman. She was what I wanted to be.
So I take my beauty and fashion sense from the circus rather than Cosmo. So what.
I had low self esteem like ever other American woman. I hated to look in the mirror.
I got a tattoo. When I looked in the mirror I found it interesting and complimentary. I got another tattoo. And so on.
I was looking in mirrors and seeing beauty there for the first time in my life.
I believed the tattoos made me beautiful.
I got stronger, more confident. My footing on this planet felt more sure, time was giving me a sense of serenity, I found a peace with my reflection.
And then I realized:
These tattoos do not make me beautiful. But they do enhance my beauty.
It has taken me 34 years to utter those words in the same breath: Me, beauty. Beauty, me.
I get stopped often in all kinds of situations by people that want a closer look at my tattoos or they'll have questions they want to ask. I try to be really accomodating and not get irritated by this because I did CHOOSE to put these bright colors and pictures on my body, so to be surprised or flustered or agitated by the situation would be silly on my part.
There is one time when a middle aged woman stopped me outside my doctor's office. She was a fine looking sister with attitude. She said to me, "Why did you do that to yourself? You're a pretty girl and you have a nice figure. Now, I could understand an ugly girl needing the attention and doing that, but why did you do that to yourself, sugar?"
I told her that I thought they were beautiful. Not ugly.
She went on, "But what about when you want to go out, and you want to put that nice dress on. You know the one I am talking about, sugar."
"I just put the dress on and wear it."
We were never going to see eye to eye. Only the girl in the lavendar dress, looking on at me as I put on my make-up and fix my hair, only the tattooed lady from the circus knows how I feel.

2009-06-01T23:48:00.001-05:00

I had a nice, big blog post written up, chronicling the last week, but it must be space trash now.

I'm high on spray paint fumes. I did a three color design on 30 CDs and 30 cases for J.T. today. Whew.

Tomorrow I am going down to see my momma and daddy. I haven't seen my father in 4 months. I'm so excited to have a day of walking in the garden and just sitting next to my dad and talking.

Things are busy, but in a good way. Lots of projects going and plans for lots more.

But now that I am sitting in front of the computer I feel dull and distracted. Bah!

2009-05-22T13:15:00.001-05:00

Tokyo has been bored and lonely lately. So we got him a beautiful, sleek black ninja princess with amber eyes named Kitty Kitty Bang Bang. He loves her.

Playing "Get the Kitty" is way funner than "Get the Monkey"!

Mr. Talent is going to Nebraska for a little while to play some big shows. He is taking his tip jar.

Wit-Knee and I are started a craft/jewelry business call Pick Your Poison. I've already sold our earrings, key chains, tiaras and stuff and people want more. Cool, huh?

I'm working on a new website associated with the classes and art stuff I'm doing. Right now I am working on content. I will probably take the month of June to get it ready.

Gotta run. More soon. Love, Candy

yesterday seems so far away

2009-05-22T13:15:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my lovely husband's 33rd birthday. I am decorating a tip jar for him and ordering business cards, which he desperately needs. The tip jar is going to be decoupaged with black and white skulls and red hearts drawn by me and adorned with one of Wit-Knee's sugar skull pendants. I think he will like it. I am kind of short on time and was neck deep in the middle of an art peice when I decided what I was going to do for his birthday.
========================================================================================================================
The piece I am working on was something conceived back when Eye Candy Gallery was open. I just couldn't work on it because I couldn't handle it back then. This is by far the most personal piece of art I've ever produced. It is called 'Lost & Found'. I know I am totally ready now and it is all coming together. What started as one single piece has evolved into four pieces that comprise a whole. I am really excited about it. I can't keep my mind of it. I've been taking notes on my process and my thoughts as I am working. I think I am going to enter it for consideration for the June group exhibit at The Gallery at Brunwick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Speaking of the gallery, we have worked out all the details for the upcoming classes I will be teaching. It looks like this:
Art Journal Workshop: Express your life through language and art. Students will make an art journal and follow prompts to create meaningful journal pages while learning new art tips and techniques. The class is two hours long. $15 Saturday July 11 at 2pm and pre-registration is required.
Artist Trading Cards Workshop: Take part in the growing popularity of Artist Trading Cards. Participants will learn all about how to create these cards and have the opportunity to make their own to trade. The class is two hours long. $15 Saturday July 18 at 2pm and pre-registration is required.
The Art Goddess Workshop: Join this life affirming class as we make art and explore self identity through mini-shrines, paper dolls and more. The class is two hours long. $15 Saturday July 25 at 2pm and pre-registration is required.
Register for two classes and save $5! Register for all three classes and receive $10 off!!! Pre-registration is required for all classes. Call ***-***-**** or e-mail ***@****.com to register. Classes will be held at the Gallery at Brunwick, located at ___________ .
Treats provided. Please bring your own drink and a friend.
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
I've been very busy with art and lots of good company. Yesterday I had a girl's day with Wit-Knee and Angie. Yay! Kyle has been coming over every day this week. Yays!
June is going to be an EXTREMELY busy month for us. J.T. starts his job teaching at the guitar store, for one thing. Then we are going to start looking for a bigger place in a nice neighborhood so that Kyle can move in. He helped me with a ton of brainstorming on 'Lost and Found' and it was his participation that helped me settle on the title.
Well, I've got to get to work on that tip jar. Love, Candy

May 16, 2009

2009-05-19T00:37:00.000-05:00

I’m listening to a bunch of crazy black people music. One of my black friends loaded his stuff on my computer. Scarface, Ludacris, Snoop Dog , and so on. There’s some Al Green!!! It’s okay We have a black president now! Whoa shit. I’ve been listening to too much Comedy Central today.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Excuse me. I’ve been getting all wild on pot and caffiene.
************************************************************
I think that I am going to moonlight as an academic. I’m working on a paper about how John Hughes addressed the impact of socio-ecomic status on fashion among American youth in the 1980’s. I will rely heavily on my 2 favorite of Hughes’ films: Pretty in Pink and the Breakfast Club.
___________________________________________________________________
It FINALLY quit raining. So, daytime has been busy running errands and such. I went to Bedford Camera & Video for the first time. There were lots of cameras and equipment to drool over. Tokyo is enjoying the sunny days, as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took some pictures of our friend Dustin this weekend. It was the first time I have really broken out the camera in months. I plan on using him quite a bit, but this shoot was just about getting him used to the camera, getting me used to the camera again, and I guess also us getting used to each other. Anyway, there is a lot I want to do with lighting, sets, and costuming.
The end product of the pictures I am working on right now will build on what I have been doing with my photos over the last 6 months.
Anyway, here he is. I think he is going to be an awesome model.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A lot of the shoots Robin and I had planned on will have to wait or might be tossed out forever. My little Robin is pregnant.
J.T. and I are working on lists of 100 things we know about each other. We’ve known each other for 15 years, but never like this. It is interesting.
He bought me panties with cupcakes on them yesterday. I have the sweetest husband in the whole wide world. I can’t even tell you.

2009-05-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

There was an incident this morning with our crazy-as-fuck neighbors bashing a goose over the head with a sledge hammer and then hanging it on a dumpster to gut it. I ended up hiding in the bathroom from the animal warden. Weird shit. Long story.

This morning Josh and I went through some of my poetry and I think I am going to set up a reading in the near future. It is nice having a creative writing major to edit and critique my stuff.

It is gloomy and drizzly today. Rain especially sucks when you don't have a car and walk just about everywhere you go.

2009-05-04T16:20:00.000-05:00

I heard today that a 15 year old boy shot himself last night while playing Russian Roulette one street from where I live. Since authorities aren't releasing his name because he is a minor, I'm not sure who exactly he is, but I also heard that he may be alive at the children's hospital in Little Rock.

J.T. worked out a deal with the landlord to start working off our future rent and make some cash on the side. He'll be doing maintenance. Not only will our rent be paid, but he'll be close. I like that.

I went crazy at Hobby Lobby and bought a couple of large oval canvases, a pallette and pallette knife, paints, little mirrors and stuff. I have 2 paintings to finish and 2 sketches for the next paintings after that. Thanks for the tip about the pallette knife, Kevin. It works great.

I had an appointment with the Gallery at Brunwick (The gallery that occupies my old Eye candy gallery space.) They are going to let me teach my classes there and accepted the photos I brought for consideration. The only painting I took to show was a half finished one, but they want it when it is complete. I'm very pleased with how the appointment turned out.

Today I've just been running errands and gearing up to get some work done this evening. I have about 50 million projects going at once.

today

2009-04-28T12:23:00.000-05:00

J.T. and I seem to have incredible luck together. Whenever we go out people give us money, cigarettes, pot, buy us drinks... we have a lucky star hanging over our heads, for sure. Blessed.

Our neighborhood is incredible. I'm talking about the poorest of the poor. The down and out, the weak, the condemned. And they have the biggest hearts of all. At our wedding a man we didn't even know bought us 7 bottles of champagne.

We don't have anything to offer but some music, some smiles, some company. But sometimes that is what people need most. An ear to listen, a good time, a story. People tell us that our love for eachother and life is contagious. I hope it is.

When somebody quits or gets fired, Ms. Joy is going to hire me to keep bar at the Scorpion Lounge. A friend told me I better keep my switchblade with me. I know I don't have to. That bar is always full of people that would never let anybody hurt me.

I've been spending the morning crocheting and listening to Miss Derringer. J.T. is outside painting a sign by the front door that says, "We're prolly at the Peen. J.T. & Candy"

We're starting a magazine about the TRUE lowbrow culture of Fort Smith. We are going to tell stories about all the people we meet, do interviews, take pictures, all that.

When I get dressed I'll walk down to the Peen to check my mail and post this, walk down the road to pick up dog food for Tokyo, then over to cousin Phil's to use the phone and check on everybody outside of the neighborhood.

I found the perfect (and more then willing) model for the photography project I've been thinking about for months. He is a beautiful 24 year old that looks all of 15. Gorgeous.

Everything is wonderful.

it is supposed to rain all week

2009-04-27T12:53:00.000-05:00

Things seem to have settled down.

We've been having a lot of fun. Josh says I am the sweetest whiskey drunk he's ever seen.

Arkansas is still racist as fuck. I can't even go out with my friends without some shit being said. It makes me sad.

We're working on getting a bigger place so that we can have Kyle live with us. Kyle and Josh get along amazingly well--Kyle took to him like I've never seen him do before. He even says I Love You. But it doesn't surprise me. Josh is just that kind of guy.

the day after

2009-04-20T10:59:00.000-05:00

Today is 4-20!!! I've already caught a buzz twice and it ain't even noon.

The really special thing about today is that it is my beautiful son's birthday today.
Sweet sixteen!!!

He and his girlfriend are coming over for dinner and Death by Chocolate cake and ice cream. I have this afternoon to finish the painting I am working on for him. I will post a pic and explain it soon.

There are 3 or 4 videos of our wedding here. We are waiting for an edited copy with the interview included, but it hasn't aired yet so hopefully soon we'll have it.

Soon, soon, soon.

Look. I believe that you reap what you sow.

We've been treating each other worse than strangers off the street. Ex-lovers, old friends, family.

This town is small and as much as we hate it, we have to share it.

NO MORE VIOLENCE, please.

Someone is going to be seriously injured or put in jail. I don't want that to happen to anyone.

For every bad apple that falls at my feet, there are 10... no, 20 or 30, people that are as good as gold. I also believe that there is more good in this world than bad.

Wow. I feel like this is Jerry Springer's closing piece.

Y'all be good.

wonder wonder full

2009-04-19T14:27:00.000-05:00

So I am sitting at Joy's Scorpion Lounge where I come every morning to check my e-mail. The Scorpion (or the 'Peen' as we like to call it) has a reputation for being THE WORST bar in town. I feel at home here and it is just a few blocks from my apartment. We love the Peen so much that we had our wedding reception here! The bar opens at 7am and we have coffee until 9am, then I have a Coke and everyone else gets started on their particular poison. Today we are doing kaoroke and eating some delicious beans and cornbread. Sundays...

So somebody came along and made an honest women out of me at long last. Yeah, we decided to get married and did the deed in a matter of six days. A beautiful, rock-n-roll wedding. The news was there, filming the whole thing and interviewing us. I'll post video when I get it.

Married life is wonderful. Mr. talent is wonderful. Tokyo is wonderful. Kyle and Kali are wonderful.

Besides getting hitched I've been busy painting, writing songs and putting together a magazine.

By request I will be posting regularly once again.

2009-03-19T15:56:00.000-05:00

I've just been hanging out in the ghetto, eating cheap Mexican food and making art.

I got a bike yesterday, which is pretty rad. I'll be online more often, for sure.

2009-03-01T20:33:00.000-06:00

Well, I've just about moved all my stuff to my new apartment. I just have to find a place for everything.

I bought a new comjputer but don't have internet at my new place.

Kevin won the February Giveaway. Sorry ladies.

2009-02-04T21:36:00.001-06:00

I totally want my new middle name to be DANGER!

Candy What???

2009-02-04T09:00:00.000-06:00

I've pretty much decided that I am going to change my last name. It is something that I have been wanting to do for a long time for various reasons. I will keep my first name. I just don't know what to change my name to. Something fun that flows well is what I am looking for. Any ideas? Seriously! Tell me.

My parents are mad at me about this antique dresser that I wanted to keep, but realizing that it as waaaay more trouble than it is worth, I told them to go ahead and have it. You know what they said in return? We have to be out of my grandma's house by this Sunday. Nevermind that they have no legal authority to do this.

P.S. My parents make me want to change my name more than anything right now.

stressss

2009-02-03T18:57:00.000-06:00

This a time of very high stress and high drama in my life.

- I found an apartment today. I am going to go pay the rent and deposit tomorrow. It is in the heart of the ghetto.

- I had to call the police on an ex-boyfriend's current wife. They are probably going to issue a warrant for her arrest.

- I am fighting with my parents over family heirlooms and material stuff. They are two of the greediest people I have ever met.

And everything else. Money, relationships, moving, on and on it goes. But I am okay.

Anthony Bordain!

2009-02-03T08:00:00.000-06:00

I love love love Anthony Bordain. I want to marry him. Is he gay? No, wait. I want to BE him.

Last night I watched the new episode of No Reservations. He went to Mexico. I want to go to Mexico! The most intriguing part of the show was when he went to an island that was inhabited by an old man fighting off the spirit of a dead girl. See, 50 years ago a girl drowned on his property edge and he believed the spirit of the girl sometimes returned to haunt him. He started fetching old baby dolls from the water, believing that he was rescuing them and in return they offered him protection from the spirit. Soon people started bringing him discarded dolls and he began nailing them up on trees all over the property. The man spent his last 25 years on the island, never once leaving. I wish I could find a picture. It is a truly spooky sight to behold.

This inspired me to make a doll themed PDF collage sheet.

The other night I was at my sister's and she pulled out a tarot deck I had given her a few years ago. She had not opened it because superstition has it that you should never open your own deck when you first get it. So I opened it for her. The cards are just lovely.

It has a Merman card. I want a Merman of my own!

I didn't make a video last night because I cried my eyes out and messed up my face. It is a stressful time. I'll try again tonight.

today

2009-02-02T11:15:00.001-06:00

I am a list maker. I love my lists. But I have decided that instead of making endless "to do" lists that can never possibly get done and just stress me out and overwhelm me, I am going to cap off the day with a list of things that I DID accomplish. I tried it last night and it was far better than any to-do list.

I made two new PDF collage sheets for your consideration. Another Gypsy Love sheet, and a Vintage Circus sheet. We will be filming a vlog on transfers this evening.

Mr. Martini brought home a copy of Art Journaling magazine for me. It is just beautiful, more like a book than a magazine, and full of inspirations and techniques.

I'm suffereing from a bit of insomnia lately, and it was much worse last night. I have a lot on my mind--mainly packing and moving. I know I am getting the hell out of Almania, but where exactly I am going is the big question. Everyone wish me luck in finding a happy, cozy home that I can create in.

Splitting the Sheets

2009-02-02T03:36:00.001-06:00

So I have been asked what I meant when I wrote that Mr. Martini and I are splitting the sheets. Well, we are no longer going to live together, but we are still going to date exclusively... for awhile.

If you google "splitting the sheets" the first hit is a divorce attorney.

I heard that it comes from a Cherokee practice. When a couple is married, they are given a wedding blanket and the man moves into the woman's teepee. In the event that things don't work out, she has the option of splitting the marital blanket in half and sending him back to his mother's teepee.

pink purse

2009-02-01T13:45:00.000-06:00

Got to spend last night with my Kyle and Kali. Love, love, love.

We went out to dinner and then did some shopping. I found this leather purse for 3 dollars! We were looking at it, trying to decribe it, but we finally settled on the fact that it is just totally me.

I am working on another pdf collage sheet and I am going to make a video(s) showing how to do transfers.

Mr. Martini and I are splitting the sheets. This is sad. But it also means I am getting the hell out of Almania!!!

Gypsy Love

2009-01-31T13:45:00.000-06:00

Today is lazy Saturday when it shouldn't be. Tsk tsk.

I made a pdf to share. Gypsy Love. You can print it out and color it in, do a packing tape or gel medium transfer or whatever your heart desires. Check it out.

February Giveaway

2009-01-30T23:58:00.001-06:00

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

2009-01-29T13:08:00.000-06:00

I love the idea that my subconscious mind can come up with creative ways to carry out tasks while I am sleeping.

break

2009-01-28T13:55:00.000-06:00

Taking a break from decluttering the studio. There is so much I want to do.

I stumbled across Zentangles, which is essentially Zen doodling or meditative drawing. You can buy a fancy pants kit, or you can just go for it. Example:

I'm going to be using up the paper scraps I find in the studio to make some of these bangles for an upcoming swap:

Instructions here.

Rain fall, hair falls

2009-01-27T06:56:00.000-06:00

We are experiencing freezing rain this morning. All of the local schools are shut down and I won't be going anywhere today.

Last night I learned how to make simple yarn hair falls. I made two sets from my yarn stash, one a sandy beige and the other various mermaid shades.

Here is how to make them:

And here is how to wear them:

not so manic monday

2009-01-26T14:08:00.000-06:00

We have already established our first clutter-free zone and the boys are being great about it. They have reminded eachother to move stuff off of the bar. We also decided on our next three clutter- free zones. Yay!

Today was a good mail day. I received a lovely Whimsy Jar made from a green olive jar and it even had a surprise for Mr. Martini. The jar was full of buttons, fibers, cool paper clips, flowers, ribbon, wooden thread spools and more.

I received a vial of Our Lady of Fatima water, and even my junk mail was good. I got an advertisement from a car dealership that had a key inside it. I get really excited about my junk mail these days because I am incorporating them into "junk art journals" that I will be making every month.

This video is hilarious. Lots of belly dance moves--but lordy, lordy those outfits and hairdos!

And this is Rachel Brice. Wow. I mean, WOW.

getting zen

2009-01-24T16:49:00.000-06:00

Wow. I feel like my mind is taking a nice, long stretch. I've been occupied with so much stuff that my brain hasn't had a chance to just relax.

The art journal workshop was nice. I think we are going to meet up monthly to make journals and work on them together.

I am going to refrain from doing a lot of art stuff for a week. A week! Ouch. And what I am going to do is declutter my house. I'm actually kinda psyched about this.

See, we never recovered from the holidays. You know how it is, guests coming over, tons of gifts that you have to find places for, so much food, on and on it goes. Our X-mas tree is still up, dammit.

I like www.zenhabits.com and the ideas for decluttering. I especially like that these can be done in five minutes. When I am cleaning I like to set a timer for 5 or 15 minutes and do what I can. Anyway, here are some of my favorite tips:

Designate a spot for incoming papers. Papers often account for a lot of our clutter. This is because we put them in different spots — on the counter, on the table, on our desk, in a drawer, on top of our dresser, in our car. No wonder we can’t find anything! Designate an in-box tray or spot in your home (or at your office, for that matter) and don’t put down papers anywhere but that spot. Got mail? Put it in the inbox. Got school papers? Put it in the inbox. Receipts, warranties, manuals, notices, flyers? In the inbox! This one little change can really transform your paperwork.

Start clearing a starting zone. What you want to do is clear one area. This is your no-clutter zone. It can be a counter, or your kitchen table, or the three-foot perimeter around your couch. Wherever you start, make a rule: nothing can be placed there that’s not actually in use. Everything must be put away. Once you have that clutter-free zone, keep it that way! Now, each day, slowly expand your no-clutter zone until it envelopes the whole house! Unfortunately, the neighbors don’t seem to like it when you try to expand the no-clutter zone to their house, and start hauling away their unused exercise equipment and torn underwear when they’re not at home. Some people don’t appreciate simplicity, I guess.

(I am going to make my designated starting zone the bar diviiding the kitchen and living room.)

free form crochet and other stuff

2009-01-23T17:22:00.000-06:00

Nothing like a bad picture of yourself to make you realize that it is time to have the brows wax. Rest easy, everyone, I had that taken care of today.

I'm in LOVE with www.magnoliapearl.com

It is such a feast for the senses. She makes gorgeous bags and clothing. I want one of her bags desperately, but they are waaaay out of my budget at $600. I love the story of how she made and sold her first bag. Seriously, go check out the website.

I think when things slow down (yeah, like that will EVER happen) I am going to try to make my own. The bags remind me of Freeform Crochet, which I got into for awhile. Basically, you make "scrumbles" using different colors and textures of yarn with various stitches and motifs. It is completely non-structured and fun.

Bang!

2009-01-22T17:23:00.000-06:00

I got my bangs cut! Not a good picture. Who cares???

Busy, busy day. Bangs cut, nails done, therapy, post office, belly dance class, Mr. Martini is playing a gig, not to mention laundry and dishes. Aye aye. I love you.

FOOD

2009-01-21T23:04:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to eat better these days. I made some yummy pasta and used the leftovers in a frittata for lunch. This is how you do it:

Coarsely chop up a pound of broccoli. Boil water and a punch of salt. Throw in a pound of bow tie pasta. Steam broccoli. I like to use a bamboo steamer on top of my pasta for steaming veggies.

Now, throw 1/4 cup of olive oil and three cloves of garlic together and saute the garlic. Add pasta, broccoli, three pinches of red pepper flakes and a pinch each of salt and pepper. Heat through. Toss with 1/2 cup of your favorite Italian cheese and serve with bread.

To use the leftovers in a frittata, whip together three eggs and some milk. Coat a nonstick skillet with olive oil and pour in leftover pasta. Add egg mixture. Allow to very lightly on one side, then flip and lightly brown the other side. Serve with leftover toasted bread.

I like these eggs:

Vlog 6

2009-01-19T22:48:00.001-06:00

today's art journal entry--click for larger image

2009-01-18T23:35:00.000-06:00

red shoe diary

2009-01-18T06:13:00.000-06:00

There were a lot of good things about yesterday, including getting these shoes on sale:

Vlog 5

2009-01-16T15:06:00.000-06:00

2009-01-16T14:51:00.000-06:00

waiting for youtube to process my new vlog....

here is Tokyo when he was a pup. he started shivering after his first haircut, so i made him this shirt.

linksies

2009-01-16T05:31:00.000-06:00

Vimby's Art Vids Lots of inspiration here.

Wordle Make your own collaged word backgrounds using your own text or text from a website.

Mirkwood Design Templates Lots of cute templates to print off. I used the hinged paper doll template for the cover of my art journal.

Smartflix Kinda like Netflix, but full of how-to videos on every subject imaginable.

Vlog 4

2009-01-14T21:47:00.001-06:00

todays art journal

2009-01-14T12:50:00.000-06:00

La la la. What a good day. I am baking cupcakes and just finished a page in my art journal. It has way more depth and shimmer in person.

Now I am thinking nobody liked my video. No one has commented. How embarrassing.

2009-01-14T10:24:00.001-06:00

Oh, tell me if you liked the vlog. Should I post more? Tell me these things, please!

2009-01-14T09:14:00.000-06:00

Last night I went to belly dance class. I absolutely freakin love it! What a blast.

I was really scared that the teacher would be some super blonde, super tan soccer mom that watched some DVDs. But the teacher is this adorable little chubby Renaissance faire kinda chick. <3<3<3>

Now I get to put together belly dance costumes. Fun!

Vlog 3

2009-01-13T11:30:00.000-06:00

Dawn of the Dead

2009-01-12T21:52:00.000-06:00

I feel kind of dead right now. I think I am coming down with something. Anyway, here is me in Day of the Dead makeup for some filming I did. It was really fun til I got an earache.

I'm stilll working on video stuff--trying to figure it all out.

I've only been halfway keeping my new year's resolution to make something new every day and document it. I've made something every day, but I haven't been documenting things the way I had planned. I'll try to do better.

Send me chicken soup and puffs, please.

2009-01-12T17:47:00.000-06:00

I've been craving a new pair of cowboy boots. I had to throw out my first pair because they had become so battered. They were beautiful brown Italian leather and they served me well. The only footwear I took back country camping in New Mexico was my cowboy boots and I slept in them--like a true cowgirl would--even when my tent leaked and my feet were soaked to the bone.

I like these:

I was trying to find a Yoga class here in Almania--no such luck--but they do have belly dancing. Go figure. I think I will go.

...3 ...2 ...1 eruliaf

2009-01-12T00:17:00.000-06:00

So I made a really cute little video for your birthday. I learned how to use imovie and everything. And then I deleted it. And emptied the trash. Shit!!!

Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh week. I'll see what else I can make for you.

Surprise! It's your birthday!

2009-01-10T01:23:00.000-06:00

Well, it could be.

I am working on a super special surprise just for YOU.

You'll see!

2009-01-09T09:21:00.000-06:00

Our president elect has product! I found these "Ba-

Rock-On"stickers at the Wal-Mart in Alma, Arkansas... the town with maybe 3 people of color. Amazing. And it was the last package on the rack.

I decorated the globe light I bought yesterday and hung it in the bedroom. It is so pretty in person.

Today will be another busy day. I have several projects going, cleaning to do, I need to go to the post office, the vet, take my son to an appointment, do some other running around in Fort Smith, and so on. I was absolutely pooped last night and I expect tonight will be the same. And my migraine is still lingering. It only hurts when there is light, sound or movement. Heh. Hopefully I won't be too tired to post later.

thrifty goodness, cupcakes in the mail and sweet sunshine

2009-01-08T12:01:00.000-06:00

I apologize in advance for the blurry pictures. An unfortunate side effect of my medication is that my hands shake and some days are worse than others. I just didn't feel like dragging out the tripod today.

It has been a lovely morning here in Almania. I'm wearing flip flops and a t-shirt! In January!

While out birthday shopping in Van Buren for Little Miss Sarah, I decided to hit up some thrift shops. I found this big globe lamp for 8 bucks. It was filled with moss, dried grass and fake birds. I already ripped that stuff out of it, and filling it back up is my project for the day. Pictures when I am finished. Check out the flooring in my Grandma's house! This is what we have in the studio and the

kitchen.

I also picked up this little gilded mirror, a nifty pink candle and this architectural detail shelf.

Today's mail: A survey from the hospital regarding my last visit, and the package from my partner in the Cupcake Swap on Swap-Bot.

I also have some art journal pics to upload later in the day, but for now I must get busy!

2009-01-07T10:58:00.000-06:00

This was yesterday's lunch: A tasty bowl of Southwest Style Potato Soup and a big pile of tortilla chips. Yum.

Hopefully today will be as productive as yesterday. I did lots of arty things and went out on the town covered in glitter from head to toe. Really. It is amazing how glitter sticks to your scalp.

The date for my Art Journal Workshop at the Fort Smith Art Center has been set. March 18 it is. Be there or be square. Yeah, be a square without a pretty journal to call your own!

Art Supplies!

2009-01-06T10:30:00.001-06:00

Maybe the worst thing about being sick is when you finally feel better, you have so much catching up to do.

The only real creativity I've managed is keeping up with my art journal. I finally put something on the cover. I figure I will finish it as I work on my journal. I have some ideas for other books I want to make, but I guess that will be an addition to my pending projects list for now.

I'm super excited about teaching an art journal class this month (It's free! Contact me for details.) at the library. And knowing that friends will be there makes getting my feet wet a little less scary. It looks like the Fort Smith Arts Center wants to pick my class up for their March schedule. That class won't be free, so get in while you can! And man, oh man, it always feels good to get paid for doing what you love to do.

I cleaned up and rearranged the studio so hopefully now it is more workable. I always end up with my art supplies all over the bed because I can't find any room to work in the studio. How silly.

To the left is a really bad drawing I did in my journal. See, I'm not afraid to show you my bad stuff! I've been trying to stick to a few basic supplies and I think watercolor pencils are perfect for packing with you because you get all those colors in one compact little box. I'm just not very good at working with them yet. I did purchase a new set of paintbrushes, so that might help. I had like, two paintbrushes to my name. Not that there aren't a million paintbrushes in this house, but there was an incident when I "borrowed" one of Mr. Martini's bran spanking new fancy pants paintbrushes. Sheesh.

You all should have have heard Kevin and Mr. Martini's fake podcast, aptly titled: Brush Talk. I was complaining to Whitney that Mr. Martini takes all my Tupperware to use for palettes. Shame, shame. But the truth is, I am a far worse offender. There was the brush incident, and all of his wallpaper samples that I adopted as my own, not to mention the paint rags I swipe from him and the stack of rub-ons....

I'm sad and worried about a friend of mine. She is off her meds, in a bad state of mind and missing right now. Come home, little birdy.

This morning I did something I know I'm not supposed to do, but it was cold out and I know what it is like to be thumbing a ride. So I picked him up. We all have to take care of eachother.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-04T12:41:00.001-06:00

What a week! I ran out of my medication and had to go to the e.r. because I was feeling sick, sick, sick. And then I got a migraine! But I am feeling better now. Thank you for the phone calls and general well-wishing. I appreciate it so much.

We had a wonderful X-mas. Gingerbread houses, The Nitemare Before Christmas, presents, lots of food. It was good all around.

I have a lot of things to do today, one of which is installing the software for the camera Mr. Martini got me so I can upload pictures here. I will be back soon!

all I want for X-mas...

2008-12-23T13:29:00.000-06:00

So I was talking to Mr. Martini's mom about his X-mas stocking. He "misplaced" the nice one she gave him last year. I didn't have the heart to tell her that men just don't care about X-mas stockings.

Mr. Martini said he would care if they had porn and beer in them.

This gave me the idea to make him a personalized *adult* magazine last night. (Thank you for letting me cut your magazines up, Kevin.)

He absolutely loved it.

In return he is going to do a small oil painting of a girl and a cupcake for me. Pictures when he is finished!

BABY, it's cold outisde!

2008-12-21T23:35:00.000-06:00

I like how the windows in this old house rattle a little bit when the train goes by. I also like warm rice pudding and cuddling.

Today's Art Journal Entry-click for larger image

hey purple haired girl...

2008-12-20T00:39:00.001-06:00

Note to self: Don't take pictures of your ankles when you are on your period. Bloat.

So it is Friday night and I have put Mr. Martini to bed. Now I'm half ass working on my X-mas gifts. I'm taking a break from altering a doll for my son's girlfriend.

Kyle + Kali. Aren't they adorable?

It has been good to get out of Almania. I get awfully antsy here. Okay, not just antsy, but a little bored and lonely, too. A few days ago I saw a girl with purple hair driving an old limo here in Almania and I thought about walking up to her and asking her to be my friend. Just like in grade school.

I think I am going to call it a night.

that little feeling of accomplishment

2008-12-17T09:13:00.000-06:00

I started digging through my suitcase of old photos this morning. And of course my wallpaper samples. Proof that if you give me old crap you don't want--I will use it. I made this ornament/gift tag real quick to get some ideas flowing. Check out the hairdo on this momma!

So far I have thought of only one new year's resolution: To make something everyday, from start to finish, and document it. Hopefully this will give me the little feeling of accomplishment when I have big, long projects going.

let them eat cupcakes!

2008-12-16T10:34:00.001-06:00

I woke up this morning with a strong desire to make cupcakes. I love baking them, decorating them and eating them. Unfortunately, my car won't start and I don't have the supplies. So, while having my morning coffee, I cooked up these little babies from wallpaper samples.

There are several tempting books on cupcakes at amazon.com and lots of cool cupcake picks all over the net.

Aren't these sweet?

For Mr. Martini....

BEEFCAKES!

I would love to have one of these stands!

2008-12-15T13:10:00.000-06:00

Highlight of my morning, maybe even my day: "This is a farewell kiss, you dog!" I've been talking about shoes as weapons for years. Try to fuck with me when I am wearing my six inch stripper heels!

While walking through the cemetery yesterday I spied some flowers through some cracks in a fence. I went to investigate and found this mass

grave of flower carcasses. So this is what happens.

Yesterday was so warm I was wearing a tank top and now I am freezing my tush off. Apparently it snowed in the area last night.

I started working on my X-mas cards. "You're starting on your Christmas cards NOW?!?" Yes, I have waited til now. I generally don't start really getting into X-mas until about the middle of December. If I start too early then I burn out.

Usually my X-mas cards have been a big production--designing and silk screening them, for instance. This year I am going to make less and do them one at a time. Below is the results of me fooling around with various tags I made using cardstock, old wallpaper samples, 1970's catalog women, stencil + spraypaint, wrapping paper and various other things.

Turns out that the deadline for the Dirty Show isn't until today, which is a very good thing because we realized it really wasn't done, so Mr. Martini is working out the kinks. Ultimately I am going to stitch on the canvas, but it is so large that there is no possible way that I would be able to finish it today. So it will have to stay "as is" until we find out if it is accepted into this show.