Danger Eyes

What happens to men at the 35-40 point? Do they just decide, "Hey, I'm gonna grow a mustache and be a douche?"

Just wondering....

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I feel like I am entering a period of my life that is familiar. Strange, but familiar.

I like to think of most things that happen in my life as research. "Sorry, I can't tonight. I'm studying."

This somehow removes my responsibility for things that happen, and I realize that is a problem.

However, I don't foresee that I will stop my survey of the human experience anytime soon, barring that I get hit by a truck or some other dubious happening.

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The last few days have been nearly surreal. Yes, yes, I am taking my medication. It just seems that time is being punctuated by intense bursts of extreme perfection and total chaos. I guess this is what Mr. Martini has been trying to tell me when he talks about matter and anti-matter.

All my projects are at a comfortable lull right now, so I am really just trying to enjoy the problem of having too much time on my hands...without abusing it.

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Secret Agent Man suggested that I learn to bide my time, and he is absolutely right that I should. I'm terribly impatient. If I am not working on creating something, I feel like I am wasting my time. Which leads to guilt and self loathing and general anxiety.

I guess the rainy morning has me feeling exra introspective.

I am making it official right now: Summer is over.

The kids have gone back to school, Wit-Knee and I both got jobs, Mr. Martini and I seemed to have come to some conclusions and are seeing each other again, it is raining like it hasn't in months and I have that wonderful rush that comes at the end of a book. I feel like a new cycle is starting up.

I'm not the only one. Kevin and I have been giddy as school girls in his studio all morning.

I'm excited about this fall. I have a slew of classes lined up at the gallery, I'll be getting my own place, the new job will ease my aching pockets, we'll be working on the 12 x 12 x 20 show, I've got one of my best friends back, and I'm sure there will be more.

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