Candy explains why she has been in such a bad mood lately

I hate the pressure the holidays (suppodedly a particularly spiritual time of year) puts on all of us during a time when our bodies are under a lot of stress; trying to adjust to the lack of light and the increase in potential infections. It makes for the worst kind of stress on the whole being.


Besides the pressure to consume goods for a god I don't abide by, Christmas touches on too many nerves for me:
 
- As a child, the only family I had was my mom, dad and sister. Dad ALWAYS got drunk. Mom and Dad ALWAYS fought. Brutally.
 
- As a teen, my sister was out of touch with the family, and her abscence always cast a HUGE shadow for me.
I spent as many holidays as I could with my friends and their families, but that always left me feeling like an outsider, no matter how welcomed I was.
 
- I had some of the best holidays of my life with Dave, James, and Kyle (throughout my 20's). That was my family. I feel so lucky to have some great memories of the holidays with those guys.
 
Now I don't have that family. And it really sucks to not have what feels like a good family around the holidays. A family of your own.
 
Last Christmas morning was spent with my son, Mr. Martini and his children. We had such a nice X-mas morning, with happy kiddos and lots of love between us even if things weren't perfect .
 
This Christmas the only plans I have are to be with my parents, sister (and her beau), and my son Christmas Eve night. I think that is about all the Christmas I can handle, though, so that is fine.
 
I'm still coming out of depression. Things are really stressful for a lot of reasons right now. I've been telling myself to just maintain a healthy mindset and take care of myself through the holidays and worry about everything else after.
 
I've been sick the last couple of days, which makes it more of a challenge to be positive thinking and pro-active. But I'm trying.
 
The positive:
 
I will be spending time with my son and my sister, which does make me very happy.
 
Next post: Candy does not hate everything, not even Christmas.