I've been depressed.
Reeaally depressed. Like, if I wasn't eating peanut butter straight out of the jar just to survive while I alternately slept and chain smoked in bed, than I was drinking at 10a.m. at a local dive bar.
It started with the autumnal time change, like it does every year.
It just f*cks me up in every way.
And the holidays! I HATE THE HOLIDAYS!!
Let's see, I kicked it off with Halloween. I got so smackered I was asked to leave the bar my boyfriend's band was playing because I couldn't keep my head off the bar.
Then there was Thanksgiving. I spent half the day drunk on whiskey and the other half of the day apologizing for being 2 1/2 hours late for dinner.
I lost my job.
I went to jail for a couple of days.
My boyfriend and I have split.
Okay, so surely everybody gets the idea. I've been messing up my life pretty good. But it is not beyond repair by any means. And sitting in jail for 48 hours had a very sobering effect. VERY.
I'm totally determined to pull it together and move forward. The depression is lifting. I'm seeing things more clearly now.
Sooo.... while I am coming clean, I thought I would use my confessional nature as strategy: Public Humiliation as a motivational tool.
My living space is a disaster. Totally embarrassing. And here's what I am going to do about it:
A different view of the same area in my apartment:
Oh, the shame. I can't believe I am living with this caliber of clutter!
What you are looking at is my table where I do most of my writing and art journaling. Somehow the dining room chairs and the coffee table got pushed over in front of the table, making it pretty inaccessible.
Actually, this is all Tim's idea. He said maybe if I posted pictures of my place, I would feel the fire under my ass to clean up my apartment so I can get back to work (and be able to invite people in again.)
For now, I am going to bed. Maybe there will be an 'after' picture tomorrow? We'll see.
Love, Candy
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